I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
