so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize