TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
