Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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