Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
