I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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