dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
