DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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