Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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