I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
