I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
