I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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