Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
