I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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