I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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