I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
