Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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