As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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