i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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