if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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