if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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