A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
