We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
