Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
