Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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