I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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