The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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