Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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