I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
