I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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