When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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