I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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