I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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