youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
