i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Randomize
