just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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