I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
