Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So. Much. Porn.
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