so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
