i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize