so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize