hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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