i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
