Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
