I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have post one night stand depression
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