U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
