I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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