Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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