What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
