You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
