Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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