You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
