Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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