Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
