My cat gives me a boner
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
