I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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