The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
